Narrative Therapy Techniques: Mapping the Influence of a Problem
In couples therapy, few challenges are as consuming as depression. It can affect emotional connection, communication, and intimacy, leaving couples feeling distant, confused, and alone - often blaming themselves or each other.
Narrative therapy offers a unique way to shift this dynamic by helping couples externalize the problem, recognize its impact, and re-author a new story together. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with us?” the question becomes, “What is depression doing to our relationship and how can we respond differently?”
How Depression Might Present in a Relationship
Depression in a relationship doesn’t always look like sadness. It can be subtle, shapeshifting, and deeply relational. Often, couples don’t realize they’re dealing with depression; they just know something feels off.
Here are some common ways depression might show up in a relationship:
Withdrawal or emotional distance: One partner may seem “checked out,” unmotivated, or uninterested in connecting.
Irritability or conflict: Frustration, short tempers, or recurring arguments that don’t seem to have a clear cause.
Loss of intimacy: Physical and emotional closeness may fade, leaving both partners feeling undesired and disconnected.
Caretaker dynamics: One partner may take on a caretaking role, feeling overwhelmed or resentful, while the other feels guilty or ashamed.
Communication breakdowns: Clear, open communication is replaced with silence, misunderstanding, or misinterpretation.
Loss of shared meaning: Struggling to find joy in previously meaningful routines or future plans, leading to a sense of isolation.
Left unnamed, these patterns can become the dominant story in a relationship. That’s where narrative therapy comes in - helping partners give shape to what’s happening, name the influence of depression, and begin the work of healing together.
How Narrative Therapy Can Help
Depression often introduces a silent narrative into relationships - one filled with disconnection, hopelessness, and distorted self-worth. Narrative therapy doesn’t treat the condition as something internal or "wrong" with one person, but as an external influence that has infiltrated the couple’s story.
By externalizing depression, partners can begin to reclaim their relationship from its grip. They can examine when and how it shows up, challenge its narrative, and find moments of resistance, strength, and connection that might have been overshadowed.
This process encourages healing, builds empathy, and fosters trust, creating space for both partners to reconnect with their values, strengths, and shared hopes.
Core Techniques in Narrative Therapy
Externalization: The problem is not the person - depression becomes "the problem" rather than an identity. This opens space for non-blaming conversations.
Deconstruction: The therapist and couple deconstruct how depression has shaped beliefs, behaviors, and the relationship’s emotional climate.
Storytelling: Partners are invited to tell their experiences in narrative form, giving shape to their feelings and allowing new meanings to emerge.
Re-authoring: The couple creates a new narrative, grounded in shared values, emotional resilience, and a hopeful vision of their relationship beyond depression.
Reflective Listening and Validation: Active listening, validation, and empathy are central to helping partners feel seen and heard without defensiveness.
Try Narrative Therapy Today
In relationships affected by depression, it's easy to feel stuck in a problem-saturated story. But narrative therapy offers an empowering alternative: one where couples can confront depression together, understand its tactics, and intentionally shape a new story - one grounded in healing, trust, and renewed connection.
Through a blend of active listening, storytelling, and intentional reframing, couples begin to remember who they are apart from the problem—and more importantly, who they can become together.
If you’re having problems in your relationship and suspect that it is depression, you might want to consider this modality. At Healing Voices Psychotherapy, our skilled RP Alysha Plaggemeier offers narrative therapy for couples. Try it out today by booking a free 15-minute consultation with her.
