Navigating Grief After Divorce: How Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT) Can Support Families

Divorce is often talked about in legal or logistical terms—who gets what, custody schedules, financial settlements. But for many, divorce feels like mourning a death: the death of a partnership, of shared dreams, and of the future you once imagined.

For many families, the grieving process doesn’t end when the papers are signed. It lingers in conversations, silences, holidays, and everyday moments. And while each family member experiences grief differently, the emotional impact can be profound, especially for children.

This is where Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), a well-researched, attachment-based therapeutic approach to divorce counselling, can help families rebuild trust, connection, and emotional safety after separation.

Understanding Grief After Divorce

Grieving after divorce is complex and personal. It’s not just sadness—it can include anger, guilt, fear, shame, relief, numbness, sometimes all in one day. Children may act out or withdraw. Adults may struggle with identity loss or ongoing conflict with an ex-partner. 

Unlike mourning a death, divorce grief can be isolating, often lacking social support. And if you’re co-parenting, you’re still in ongoing contact with the person tied to your grief, making healing complicated. 

What is Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT)?

Emotion Focused Therapy is grounded in attachment theory. It focuses on creating secure emotional bonds by helping individuals, couples, and families access and reorganize their emotional responses. 

When applied to families healing after divorce, EFT doesn’t just manage the surface symptoms–it gets to the emotional heart of the matter.

EFT can help post-divorce families:

• Normalize the grief experience and create space for all emotions, even the conflicting ones.

• Strengthen emotional bonds between parents and children who may feel fragmented or unsafe.

• Help co-parents communicate more effectively, even in high-conflict situations.

• Reduce blame and shame by focusing on unmet attachment needs rather than faults or failures.

• Rebuild a sense of emotional safety, which is often shattered during divorce.

How EFT Works in Divorce Therapy and Family Counselling

1. Creating a Safe Therapeutic Environment

The therapist begins by fostering a safe, nonjudgmental space. This is crucial—many family members are emotionally raw, and EFT gently helps them name and process what they’re feeling without fear of criticism or dismissal.

2. Identifying Negative Patterns

EFT helps families recognize and de-escalate reactive cycles (e.g., a child acts out → parent gets angry → child withdraws → parent feels rejected). By identifying these patterns, families can begin to see that their pain stems not from being “bad” or “broken,” but from unmet emotional needs.

3. Accessing Underlying Emotions

Often, what’s expressed outwardly—yelling, silence, passive aggression—is masking deeper feelings like fear, abandonment, or longing for connection. EFT guides each family member to access and express these vulnerable emotions safely.

4. Creating New Emotional Experiences

The turning point in EFT comes when family members are able to share these deeper emotions and needs in a way that invites empathy and connection. This helps rebuild bonds and fosters a new sense of emotional security.

EFT for Divorced Families: Special Considerations

• Co-Parenting Therapy: EFT can be helpful even after romantic attachment ends. Ex-partners can build a cooperative, emotionally intelligent co-parenting relationship for the sake of their children.

• Parent-Child Therapy After Divorce: EFT can help parents respond to their child’s behaviours as emotional signals rather than discipline problems. It can also validate a child’s grief and reduce the long-term impact of divorce.

• Blended Families Support: If new partners or step-siblings are introduced, EFT can help families navigate loyalty conflicts, identity struggles, and the need to feel seen and included.

When to Consider EFT for Your Family

You may benefit from family therapy after divorce if:

• Communication often leads to conflict, shutdown, or misunderstandings

• Co-parenting feels hostile or emotionally charged

• Your child seems withdrawn, anxious, or angry

• You’re struggling to adapt to new routines, homes, or family roles

• You feel stuck in grief, guilt, or resentment–even years after the divorce

At Healing Voices Psychotherapy, EFT is offered for couples and families navigating the aftermath of divorce by our skilled Registered Psychotherapists. Book a free 15-minute consultation today to learn more about how EFT can support your family.