Confiding In Your Partner With the Help of IFS Therapy
Does your partner ask you to be a better communicator, to open up more, or complain about your lack of emotional availability? Vulnerability is difficult and complicated. When we are dealing with stress, we may think the most promising option for our partner is to keep our issues to ourselves and get through them on our own to save our partner from concern or worry.
To open up to your favourite person and combat relationship anxiety, you first need to open up to the parts of yourself that you have hidden from awareness. Whether that be from shame, guilt, anxiety, etc., sometimes we lose touch with parts of ourselves, which makes it difficult to communicate to those who care about us most. The Internal Family Systems therapy (IFS) approach in couples therapy seeks to help people accept who they are, uncover the part of themselves they associate with shame, and create a safe space to confide without fear of judgment.
Moving Away from Shame to Be Emotionally Available
The thought of severing a strong intimate bond with your loved one is terrifying. It may seem impossible to openly communicate about certain topics that you know your partner will be angry about. When we have been criticized for our own interests and actions by others, our automatic reaction may be to feel judged, ashamed, and learn to hide that part of ourselves to prevent future conflict. But you shouldn’t give up on that part of yourself just yet! It may seem like a fairy tale, but acceptance from your partner about the things you’ve been taught are weird or crazy is realistically possible.
Strengthening your personal awareness and connection with all the different parts that make up your entire core self will increase your ability to openly communicate about your feelings to your partner. In IFS Couples Therapy, each person is encouraged to embrace the parts of themselves that have been wounded and felt forced to be hidden from one another. Once the hidden sub-parts of yourselves are uncovered and accepted, each individual’s intelligent and caring nature that they are born with is promoted.
Being True to Yourself and Open Communication
A healthy and trusting relationship has a basis for openly discussing thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of creating more problems. Effective communication may seem difficult when discussing certain topics appears to always lead to arguments. Keeping your insecurities and worries to yourself may seem like it is promoting a healthy relationship by avoiding crossing a line that will make the other person upset. However, in the long run, it unintentionally fosters a feeling of distrust and lack of safety with your partner. Relationship counselling creates a better understanding of oneself and all the different parts that create who you are, open and productive communication is created.
IFS therapy avoids creating subconscious distrust and lack of safety by promoting a proper understanding of how you and your partner function not only as separate people, but how both of your sub-parts interact to create negative or positive reactions to certain topics of communication. Understanding yourself better in relationship counselling can help prevent unintentional negative reactions to what your partner needs and fosters a safer space to openly communicate.
Grow With Therapy
It may be difficult to increase awareness of your own needs and your partners while being in the middle of trying to overcome relationship issues. Seeking assistance from a therapist may be intimidating, but it could be the push needed to create a safe space for open communication! If you are interested in taking the first step to opening up emotionally to your partner by learning more about IFS therapy, we encourage you to book a free 15-minute consultation today!
