Supporting a Partner with Depression: Navigating Mental Health Challenges in Relationships
Depression doesn’t only affect the person experiencing it, it impacts the entire relationship. As a partner, it can be painful and confusing to watch someone you love pull away emotionally, lose motivation, or struggle to communicate. Putting aside one’s own frustrations and feelings in order to aid another is difficult.
We’ll explore how depression shows up in relationships, how you can support your partner without losing yourself, and how Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy can help couples reconnect.
3 Signs Your Partner May Be Struggling with Depression
Changes in Weight, Appetite, or Sleep
One of the most common signs of depression is a shift in basic daily habits. Your partner may sleep much more–or much less–than usual. They may overeat for comfort or lose their appetite. These behaviours are often ways of coping with emotional pain.
When someone is depressed, even simple tasks like eating or getting out of bed can feel overwhelming. These changes aren’t about laziness; they are signs of a deeper struggle.
Emotional Withdrawal and Isolation
If your partner is avoiding friends, family, or even you, they may be battling internal thoughts that make them feel like you are better off without them. Depression often distorts self-worth, making it hard to believe others genuinely want connection.
Their withdrawal is likely about their own inner pain, not a reflection of your importance in their life.
Loss of Interest in Intimacy and Shared Activities
When your partner seems disinterested in sex, physical affection, or doing things you used to enjoy together, it’s easy to feel rejected. But depression can take away people’s ability to feel pleasure or joy, which can impact even the most loving relationships.
It’s not that your partner has stopped loving you, but that depression can make them feel disconnected from everything, including themselves.
How to Support Your Partner Through Depression
Don’t Take It Personally
It’s natural to feel hurt or frustrated, but your partner’s symptoms aren’t your fault. Try using “I” statements to share your feelings without blame. For example:
“I miss spending time with you and was wondering how you’ve been feeling”
“I feel sad when we don’t connect the way we used to. Is there anything I can do to support you?”
These kinds of gentle statements encourage openness without shame.
Create a Safe Space for Communication
Judgement-free conversations are essential. Your partner may already feel guilty or overwhelmed. Validating their emotions, even if you don’t fully understand them, can build trust.
Encourage, But Don’t Pressure
While it’s helpful to encourage therapy, physical activity, or time with loved ones, pushing too hard can backfire. Respect your partner’s limits, while offering consistent support.
How IFS Therapy Can Help You Understand Each Other More Deeply
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy is a powerful approach for couples navigating depression. It’s based on the idea that we all have different “parts” within us that are shaped by early life experiences.
For example, if you or your partner struggle with criticism, it may come from a younger part that learned to expect judgement or rejection. These parts can react automatically in relationships, creating misunderstandings or distance.
IFS therapy helps couples:
Understand the protective parts influencing reactive behaviours
Identify emotional triggers and unspoken needs
Reconnect with compassion instead of defensiveness
Build emotional safety
Supporting Your Partner Starts with Understanding Yourself, Too
When your partner is depressed, it’s easy to lose sight of your needs. But you matter just as much in this relationship. Learning to recognize your own reactions is key to staying grounded.
With the support of a couples therapist, you and your partner can begin to understand how depression is affecting both of you and how to heal together.
Ready to Take the First Step?
At Healing Voices Psychotherapy, we offer couples therapy for depression, coming from an IFS therapy model. Our therapists help couples explore the patterns shaping their connection.
If you’re looking for relationship counselling, we’re here to help. Book a free 15-minute consultation today to learn more about how couples therapy can support you and your partner on your healing journey, especially when depression is involved.
